hen I was a young lad, one of the random PC games I had sitting next to Kings Quest and Chex Quest was Might and Magic IV. I never made it very far, due to its brutal difficulty and my young mind not being able to wrap my head around not just flinging fireballs at goblins. Because of that game I have always wanted to try the Etrian Odyssey series, as games like Dark Souls and Trials have toughened my resolve for difficult games. Instead, I had the esteemed privilege of playing Class of Heroes 2.
When I think about turn-based JRPG games, what I always hope for is a complete lack of a main plot line, and Class of Heroes has that in spades. Luckily, the lack of story allows me to focus on the writing, which lacks any form of originality and only follows the most common of anime tropes. Big-breasted teacher who kind of hits on all of her students? Check. Extremely effeminate teacher who kind of hits on all of the students? Check. School doctor who wants to perform experiments on all of the students? Check and double check. Nothing makes me more excited than retreading familiar territory.
The combat is also brilliant in its simplicity, and because of the lack of depth, anyone can pick it up and play. Thankfully, the lack of a tutorial or any sort of help file means that I don’t ever have to worry about learning anything about what is going on with my abilities, leveling, inventory, shops, or character creation. I’m given a group of classmates, shown around the school quickly and introduced to school’s familiar class of anime tropes and sent on my way. There’s nothing I like more than just entering an area full of monsters and exploring, and rolling the dice to see whether or not my group of six cookie cutter allies get arranged correctly. It's also better to choose when to save since it's annoying when the game slows down to autosave.
Luckily, when I get out there I am not overwhelmed by any sort of graphical complexity whatsoever. Flat green floors and shrubs are all I want. The enemy design is also done in the beautifully generic anime style I came to expect from the beginning section of the game. The art style made it difficult to tear my eyes away and watch Game of Thrones while I played, due to the fact that all I needed to do was hit X over and over again, allowing me to multitask while playing a video game. I don’t have to worry about any strategy because the enemies have varying degrees of health and attack, even the same enemy of the same level can vary. I once ran into a group of bats, the lowest had about five hp but it hit the hardest, and another had 30 hp and always missed. So I can go into every combat, no matter what uninspired fetch quest I’m on, and never knowing what I should do.
Do you see what I did there? I just spent 500 words lying to you. That's what Class of Heroes 2 does to anyone who pays its ridiculous $25.00 price tag on PS Vita.
It says you’ll go on epic quests. That is a lie. It claims that you will be immersed in a beautiful fantasy world. That is two lies in one statement. This game is the most infuriating stack of garbage I have played in quite some time. I don’t care about anything I’m doing in the game. Whether it’s going to this town to buy my principal a bottle of wine or going to a different town to buy someone else a tonic. Due to the terrible art design, terrible writing, horribly shallow combat, and lack of direction, I don’t care about anything I’m doing while this game is turned on, and I really wanted to like this game. I’m sorry if by lying to you for the majority of this review you feel that I wasted your time, but I would like you to hold on to that feeling, because you will feel the exact same way if you download this from the PSN store. Take your money elsewhere.
