QCF: Cognition - Episode 1

hen one thinks of the classic point and click adventure games that defined the genre, a few always jump to mind. The Secret of Monkey Island, Sam & Max, Day of the Tentacle -- just to name a few. What do all of these classics have in common? They’re all well told stories with engaging puzzles, solid internal logic and memorable characters. Cognition has none of these qualities.

Cognition begins with our protagonist, Erica Reed, arriving at a cemetery with her partner in pursuit of the “Cain Killer.” The two detectives have been investigating the murderer for some time, but now he’s taken her brother captive. So you could say, this time it’s personal. I understand that Erica is under some stress at the moment -- what with her brother being kidnapped by a serial killer and all -- but our first impression of her doesn’t paint her in the best light.

The dialogue is over-the-top cheesy and isn’t sold by the voice acting. Lines like, “Maybe I can use my Intuition,” (her psychic ability to track perps) or, “After I get my hands on this bastard, he’s going to be busy reassembling his face,” sound even worse because of the terrible voice acting. It’s like each actor was handed each line without context or direction and they just kinda wing it as they go along. Erica constantly speaks in a growly, angry voice that sounds like a child imitating Christian Bale’s Batman. It’s not helped by the cheesy butt-rock blaring over EVERYTHING. The same looping track plays over the dialogue, cutscenes and puzzle-solving. The game’s aesthetic seems to be going for this kind of pulp-y comic book noir feel -- judging by the graphic novel-inspired cutscenes that look okay in still frames, but cheap in motion -- but the music sounds like it was found on the cutting room floor in Godsmack’s studio. If you do happen to play this game, turn the soundtrack off. Your experience will be 100 times better, though that’s not saying much.

Back to Erica -- she’s not a very good detective. She’s searching for her lost brother who may have been taken by the Cain killer. Her Intuition leads her to a recently covered hole in the ground that was dug by the killer. Through a series of very adventure game-y events in which she uses things on other things, Erica gets hold of a shovel. Then she refuses to dig in the spot where SHE KNOWS the killer was digging. Confused, considering shovels are pretty much the standard tool for digging things, I consulted the game’s hint system which is conveyed through texts to her father. I guess a lot of detectives consult their parents with important, probably secret, police work? He told me, “Look for something that will help you dig it back up.” Like a SHOVEL, dad? Nobody in this family should be a detective.

Eventually I figured out that I needed to give the shovel to my partner so he could dig the hole for me. What I couldn’t figure out was why that extra step was necessary. Adventure games are constantly walking a fine line between intuitive and absurd. A good adventure game will make you feel like a genius if done well. You will call upon the reaches of your wit and cunning to solve a mystery or become a great pirate through solving puzzles. A bad one will just lay out a bunch of random tasks that only require clicking things until other things happen. It’s a point n’ click’s job to create a logical ecosystem where every decision you make in order to move the game forward should make sense based on what’s been presented to you. Based on this one puzzle, all the game has told me is that Erica is pretty useless and kind of a bitch.

In the hole was a wheel that can be used to open a mausoleum in the graveyard where the killer may be hiding. Turning the wheel will cause spikes to pop out and stab Erica in the legs, spilling her blood on the floor to open the door. I won’t even get into better places to draw blood, the dangers of exposing your unprotected flesh to possibly centuries old stone in a cemetery, why you shouldn’t willingly injure your legs before going underground to pursue a serial killer, why a detective shouldn’t give a serial killer power over the situation by injuring herself just because he asks or any of the other reasons that make this is a complete retarded idea. I’ll just say this is a completely retarded idea. And her partner--the only useful person here if you’re keeping track--tells her so. Her response to this COMPLETELY RATIONAL interjection? She pulls her gun on her partner and tells him, “Stay the fuck out of this.”

Again, for those keeping track. Our PROTAGONIST is a detective who is way too close to this case from the start and should have been removed the second her brother was taken captive. She has psychic powers that she ignores. She is completely willingly useless, despite easily being able to do things like dig a freaking hole. And she relies on the men in her life to solve all her problems, rather than doing some actual goddamn detective work. If I didn’t know who wrote this, I’d assume it was some dipshit mysoginist Joss Whedon-wannabe who’s poorly trying to create this girl power protagonist who can do manly things like point guns and swear, but this game was written by Jane Jenson!

Jenson created Gabriel Knight, one of the best adventure games ever made! This leads me to believe that she came up with some base idea like, “Psychic detective lady,” and someone ran with it. That’s just speculation, of course, but I seriously doubt anyone who’s ever MET a woman would write this character. We don’t know anything about Erica and our first impression of her is as this grunting, cowardly, annoying mess with mental issues who most definitely should not be carrying a gun. Riggs from Lethal Weapon is insane, but at least he’s a good cop.

It doesn't get any better from there and this is only the first episode! Cognition is being released episodically, like many adventure games have done lately; and unless the second episode completely retcons all of the protagonist’s behavior and rewrites her whole character and the situations in which she’s taking part, I don’t see this game going anywhere pleasant. Cognition stars a horrible character who is terrible at her job and solves puzzles that make absolutely no sense set to an ear-assaulting soundtrack. It’s cheese on top of cheese in the worst way.

Comments

[Mikael P]

Hahhahaa! I love you, man.